Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
