I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
