I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
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Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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