who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
