remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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