Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
