That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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