i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
