I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
