He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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