you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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