I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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