remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
