dude i'm inner monologue high
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
