shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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