you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
