You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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