What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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