I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
