I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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