We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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