Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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