Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
