once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Be still, my beating vagina.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
