she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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