And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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