Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
