I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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