even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
