did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
