Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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