the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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