im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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