her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
