M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
