you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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