The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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