i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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