Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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