The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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