he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
