put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
