she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think your dad took our porno
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
