I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
