It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
