Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
