Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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