I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
