I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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