It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
