new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
