Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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