uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
