i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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