Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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