we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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