The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
