he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
