My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
